The seventeenth Psalm is simply titled a prayer of David. It is a prayer not unlike the prayers you and I would pray when we face pressure and danger in life. David asks for God's favor in dealing with real and perceived enemies. The prayer of David here is beautiful but it is how he ends the prayer that arrest my heart this day. Psalm 17:15 And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
When Tammy slipped through the painful bonds of life into eternity, the first things she observed in that moment of awakening was His face. His face. What an amazing thought. To see the one who knows everything about you and yet His utter knowledge does not deminish His utter love for you, is overwhelming in thought. To look into the face of the one who gave His all for the joy of this moment. His joy is to see His beloved redeemed finally and completely. I can imagine that in that moment for Tammy, there was a warm, deeply intense, purifying warmth that swiftly erased the childbirth pain of dying. Then in that moment I imagine her eyes widening, pupils dialating and her tender lips seperating in awe. She saw Him, Jesus. The corners of his lips now turning upward. His embrace so utterly enveloping and satisfying like mighty wings wraping her in His love. In that moment, Tammy knew what David imagined. "I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."
I must tell you a secret. Our love was intense but it grew to be like that. We were able to share a great love because of Him. You see Tammy had a love before me and I before her. The love of her life is Jesus. I got more love out of Tammy by her keeping first things first. It was tempting to put her in the first place but I knew not to do that. He must be first and when He is my love for wife, children and friends is greater than it could have been consuming all of me. I lost Tammy a long time ago to another man. The God-man, Jesus. I am glad I did.
In my good grief I receive comfort in this. Grief becomes so self-centered. It becomes all about my pain and sadness and loss. God's word reminds me through David's prayer that it is about something more, something greater. It is about Him. When I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing Him! Then I will go looking for her.