Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Satan does not respect your grief

When it comes to my relationship with Tammy I have no regrets. I said this the night of her visitation to several people. As the hours turn now into days and days into weeks, I have challenged that thought. I certainly do not have regrets about our relationship. It was rewarding beyond my ability to describe. It was joyful and full of laughter. It was amazing how we fit and how God shaped us to each other. But that word regret has been on my mind. Until last week. Do I regret anything now? I do.

In adjusting to our new normal, I have been cleaning, doing laundry, cooking (please understand what I mean by that word), paying bills, managing accounts, schedules, on top of our own unique ways of grieving. I do not know how Tammy did all that she did. I knew she made the lives of her husband and children easy and wonderful. I know that her gifted servants heart was enclined by God's design to serve us but I do not even know she could track all that she did. At first as this thought crept over me, I began to feel real regret. Did I tell her enough, did I show her how much I appreciated her? Cause I really did, not just now in my new and lonesome awareness of her. Then it happened. The Accuser wispered. "No, Ed you did not appreciate her enough!" A deep sadness crawled on me. I wept regret all over myself.

Yesterday I opened her drawer. You know, the draw a woman has where very personal things are kept. Beneath some clothes, resting quietly was a stack of letters, cards and notes. There are letters from our kids to their mom. There was a note of encouragement from a dear friend. On top of all of them was a note from me. I do not remember writing it. It has no date. It was a note that expressed my deep appreciation for everything she does to make my life worth living. I told her how I could not do ministry or function without her. I told her how I cherish her. An awareness came over me. A joy filled me. Satan, I said, I just remembered something. You are a liar! I just want to remind you that your going to Hell forever and ever. Get out! You have no right or authority over me because I'm under the blood of Jesus.

We all need to stop listening to him.

Ed Litton


Telika said...

That's right! That is so true!! We also need to stop blaming God for the works of Satan because that's what he wants us to do. He causes us problems and gets us to blame God so that we move further from Him when the exact opposite is what will get us through.

Brantley Rutz said...

thank you pastor ed for showing me the way to be a man through unthinkable trials. my life lately has been based upon the principles you have taught me and the way you have broke through satan's lies through Christ. I have doubts sometimes but when i look at you pastor I see the reality of Christ and what he does through people like you, and I believe!

Patricia said...

You get a hearty "AMEN!" to that.

Donna said...

God is giving you such amazing insight during these days. Your blogs are a blessing to me and are speaking to me in ways you can't imagine. Continuing to pray for your sweet family.

Andy said...

Hey Pastor Ed, yesterday I mentioned your blog on mine. Thought you'd be interested in seeing it. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbie said...

That was an unmistakable touch of grace. God bless you and your family.
debbie rendall

Anonymous said...

pastor, i can't tell you how many times in the last four weeks i have thought about and prayed for the littons whom i love so much. i am sure you know that you guys have been the center of so many conversations. i wish you could hear what people are saying about you, and more importantly, about your faith. i didn't think it was possible to respect and appreciate you any more, but i was wrong. you are truly a man of god and joseph and i love you very much. while reading this blog, i was reminded that almost all of these conversations i mentioned have started with some comment about how much you cared for and adored tammy. it was obvious to everyone who ever saw you together or heard you preach. if so many people, many of whom only really know of you, can see how much you appreciated her, i am convinced she could see it too!
again, we love you and continue to pray for you.
love amanda s