I am often asked, "How are you doing?” Those who ask, pause as if they had asked a dumb question. It is not a dumb question. It is a caring question, a comforting question, a great question. It is a question that shows someone cares.
So how am I doing? I am filled with a strange mixture of overwhelming sorrow and perfect peace. I have an odd combination of pain and joy; both bring me to tears. I have discovered that I can weep both tears of sorrow and tears of joy simultaneously. This must be what it feels like for the Lord to be my help.
People have said they want to do more than “just” pray for me; I am convinced that prayer is the greatest thing anyone can do for me. I have no strength of my own. However, through prayer, God's sustaining grace gives me strength and is sufficient for every need. This must be what it feels like for the Lord to be my help.
At this moment in my life, though I have a very weird, strange, and odd mixture of deep loss and great gain, God’s powerful presence is not shy. Temptations are real. At times, I am tempted to give in to bitterness, anger, questioning, and resentment. Yet, in the presence of those enemies, He makes me to settle down. He restores my soul. My cup overflows. Surely, His goodness and mercy follow me this day and everyday. This must be what it feels like for the Lord to be my help.
While walking through this valley of the shadow-lands, I hear terrifying howls. At first they seem to come from distant dark places. Then I realize they are coming from within my own soul; loneliness and grief are crying out. But I am not alone, for He is with me. I am comforted by His rod and staff. This must be what it feels like for the Lord to be my help.
When evening falls, it falls quicker in the shadow-lands. It seems darker in the shadow-lands. Yet, He is with me. Though death is still threatening, I don’t dread it as before. Though death is still a mighty foe, its victory was vanquished when my Shepherd conquered the grave. Though we all deserve death, the grace of God gives us eternal life in Christ alone. Sin has lost its power. The power of death is now gone. The sting has been removed. This must be what it feels like for the Lord to be my help.