Saturday, August 15, 2009

He Carried Me

When you suffer loss it tends to leave you feeling helpless and powerless. We don’t get to choose the events of our lives, and we don’t control the outcomes of our choices. We can’t change the sovereign will of God or stop Him from moving. This doesn’t mean, however, that we have no responsibility. Though we’re powerless to effect much real change, we have utter control over how we see our circumstances.

I stand at the threshold of the second anniversary of Tammy's death. Tears are never far away. Like well soaked ground my heart seems to be an unending source of tears that wash over me when sorrow squeezes my heart.

Yet in this moment I’m filled with an inexpressible joy in my Lord Jesus Christ. I choose to look not just at what I’ve lost, but I choose to look at what I’ve gained. I’ve gained a more intimate knowledge of the faithfulness of Jesus Christ. He is my shepherd who leads me in the valley of deep dark shadows. He has been faithful to walk with me, carry me, hold me—and yet He refuses to let me become an emotional cripple. He is awesome God, a loving Papa, and He is my help. I have learned to trust in Him. He is worthy of my "yes" first, then I await His command.

This is a reasonable act of worship.

I wouldn’t want to go back to what I was two years ago. I can say that knowing His faithfulness is worth everything. I love you, Lord Jesus! Your tenderest mercy entices me to look for you everywhere. Thank you for being my loving father and never once forsaking your holiness. I draw near to you, knowing that you are a consuming fire and you are the tender Father. You alone are worthy of my highest praise!

Ed Litton

6 comments:

Chris Lockwood said...

Love you, Pastor!

Wife of Rob said...

Rob and I love you...awesome post. Just awesome at what the Lord has done.

Anonymous said...

I have followed your blog for over a year....since losing my husband to a sudden and unexpected death in July 2008. I look forward to reading future blogs and the encouragement that is in them. God bless you in your new life.

Len Jones said...

Hey Ed,

I just found your blog... I don't know if you remember me or not, but I grew up with Tammy at FSBC in Tucson and enjoyed much time in the First Southern youth group with you as well. What treasured memories...

This is the first I have heard of Tammy's passing and am very saddened at the news. However, I am happy to read how Christ continues to thrive in your heart and mind. It is only through the power, love, mercy and grace of our loving Heavenly Father that this can even be possible.

May you continue to walk immersed in His abundant love and peace, and may you forever know the faithfulness of our LORD. All glory and praise to Him who is worthy of our all! Prayers for you and your family.

Leonard (Len) Jones

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I love the part about looking for Him everywhere because of what you have tasted. I only get on your blog once in a while because I cry every time (a good cry). My kids dont understand that concept yet, I dont want to scare them. Happy for you and your new bride. (my sister told me about it, this is great news for you and those kids). Just love each other, charity begins at home.

Anonymous said...

Dear Pastor Ed,

God Bless you and your new Mrs. In reading your latest blog and seeing your new bride in her gown my skin turned to goosebumps. I could feel your heart beating, as I imagined you standing, waiting there at the alter looking at her. We still love and miss you.

Roxanne, Seth & Kayla Knowlton